dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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