we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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