I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I don't deserve a penis
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
