a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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