Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
