ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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