is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Man, jail baloney is awful.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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