The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
