the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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