you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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