Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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