Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(518): View more from New York

Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.

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(518): Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower. http://tfl.nu/xf7t

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(517): View more from Michigan

he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.

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(517): he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there. http://tfl.nu/pbyg

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(765): View more from Indiana

I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"

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(765): I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock" http://tfl.nu/hksp

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(478): View more from Georgia

closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.

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(478): closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college. http://tfl.nu/w89j

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."

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(215): He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax." http://tfl.nu/odgz

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(810): View more from Michigan

I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.

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(810): I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm. http://tfl.nu/2iai

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(661): View more from California

u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom

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(661): u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom http://tfl.nu/4j5d

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.

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(814): yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him. http://tfl.nu/on87

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(210): View more from Texas

The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.

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(210): The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple. http://tfl.nu/ks4u

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(419): View more from Ohio

When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.

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(419): When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all. http://tfl.nu/xpv5

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.

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(902): Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring. http://tfl.nu/d21p

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(907): View more from Alaska

Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???

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(907): Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed??? http://tfl.nu/qbm2

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(917): View more from New York City

Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.

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(917): Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am. http://tfl.nu/94x6

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(805): View more from California

Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?

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(805): Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered? http://tfl.nu/tgh3

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(410): View more from Maryland

Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.

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(410): Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher. http://tfl.nu/m5qa

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