The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.