you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.