mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.