it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
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the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
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All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.