I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
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bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
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Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home