I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?