SEEEEXXX PLEASE
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
