we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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