I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
