I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Drake has all the answers
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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