I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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