i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
