She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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