I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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