thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
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i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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