when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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