i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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