if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
