ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
