and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
being pregnant is like rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize