So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
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at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
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i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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