Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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