cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize