I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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