They should really pass out barf bags in church
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
