I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
