i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He has the fingertips of a God
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