Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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