We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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