he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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