You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
do herpes really smell.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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