you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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