I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.