she was so not down for the gang bang
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.