You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"