You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...