I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore