We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I smell stomach acid.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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