i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
