I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
