I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He has the fingertips of a God
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