i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
