I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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