so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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