1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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