apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
