there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize