i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
