I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
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I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize