I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize